D761's Guide to Football and Beer Drinking...

Most blogs post Friday commentary on who they think will win games. They use the spreads and (gasp) stats. Well, I absolutely stink at guessing which team will cover as a roaddog or will continue their dominance when playing on a Saturday night with a full moon. I'll say it a different way: I suck at picking teams.

However, there are two things I'm good for on Saturdays: Drinking beer and watching football. So, let's look at my schedule for tomorrow along with how many beers I think I'll drink watching each game:

9:30- I'm going to end my year and a half boycott of Gameday. I haven't watched this godforsaken show since 2004, when the pundits gleefully declared that AU had no business playing in the National Championship game. Herbstreit (the Man Whose Hair will Forever be Highlighted) had previously said if AU beat GA, he would put AU Number 1. Well, AU beat GA, so Kirk had to change that to, if AU beat bama, AU would be Number 1. Needless to say, the corporate sponsors of ESPN (go to hell Home Depot) ultimately put USC and Oklahoma in the NC game. Bastards.

I'm hoping for two things: Class from AU fans; "Corso = Phallic symbol" signs are cute, but, come on, AU fans, don't be those fans) and a pinpoint earthquake that swallows up the Gameday set (built by Home Depot). One can always hope. Rumor is Gameday will be putting on a docudrama about Tim Tebow. No word as to whether Chuck Norris has agreed to play the part. No beers (I stopped being an alcoholic when I graduated college).

11:00-

Minnesota at Wisconsin (ESPN)- Two middle tier teams with good defenses and running games. Wisconsin ran with Michigan earlier in the season, but then were overpowered by one of the best offenses in the nation. The draft took Minnesota's best running back last year. Two evenly-matched teams. Should be a pretty good game. Entertaining if you enjoy analysis of field positions and yards-per-carry. I'm rating this a 2 Beer game.

Iowa at Indiana (ESPN2)- Geez, has the 11:00 ESPN2 game ever been any good? Shame on you ESPN2 for making us have to watch this game. Shame. Will click to during commercials.

11:30-

Iowa State at Oklahoma (FSN)- Yawn. No Beer for you.

Vanderbilt at Georgia (JP)- All right, if you are not an SEC fan, quickly scroll through this. You don't understand the strange thing that is Vanderbilt football. For those of you who are SEC fans, my brothers, this is going to be a heck of a game. GA is coming off a loss to Tennessee. If you happened to miss the game, let me recap: GA exploded during the first half using Coach Richt's foolproof three-quarterback rotation (rushing, we don't need no stinkin' rushing). At halftime, Cutcliffe knew that the Vols were in trouble. Luckily, he watched "The Waterboy" the night before. During halftime, he pulled Coach Fulmer aside. Speaking gently, he convinced Fulmer that Mark Richt was really "a wittle baby" and all of the GA players were doughnuts. The Vols proceeded to thrash GA in the second half. True story.

Back to the game this week. Fulmer ate GA's soul like it was barbeque fatback. GA is limping into this game. Vanderbilt lost a tough game to Ole Miss in which the Vanderbilt offense rolled up 400 yards of offense to Ole Miss's 171. Multiple turnovers resulted in a loss. That's Vanderbilt football. Play tough and find a way to lose. Although I think Georgia will win, I'm rating this a 3 Beer game.

On a side note to our friends at the Lincoln Financial Advertising Department, you got screwed. This time slot will forever be known as the "JP Game". No matter how much money you sink into the broadcast, 3 Daves = JP. Get used to it.

2:30-

UCLA at Oregon (ABC regional)- I don't follow PAC-10 football. I heard something about Oregon getting some good calls in a previous game. Oregon is ranked so they must be pretty good, right? 1.5 Beer game.

Ohio State at Michigan State (ABC regional)- I think John L. Smith is still on suicide watch. That's what happens when The Fighting Weises come back on you and the next week you lose to Ron Freakin Zook. No amount of meditation gets you through that, Johnny. Ohio State enters this game as the "No-Doubt-Number-One-Team-in-the-Nation". I don't see any reason that will change. Assuming OSU is blowing out MSU in the first half- 1 Beer; If MSU makes a game out it by pulling its patented "Hi, I'm Sybil and I have friends in my head" - 3 Beer.

Ole Miss at Alabama (CBS)- I see this as being Duke Redux. Last weekend, the mighty tahd let Duke hang with them until the fourth quarter. As pointed out by the rabid fans at KeepMikeShula, this was merely a reminder to the bama faithful that Coach Mikey can turn on the offense anytime he chooses. Look for something similar in this game. 2 Beer.

4:30-

Oregon State at Washington (FSN)- Again, PAC-10 football? The only thing this game has going for it is Oregon State's choice of mascot. 2 sips of 1 Beer.

6:45-

Florida at Auburn (ESPN)- Guys and gals, this could get ugly. OL need to finish their blocks; WR's need to finish their routes; Brandon Cox needs to throw the ball away or he will need a walker by the end of the game. Defensively, DE's need to keep contain on the edges (Pass rush does not equal run ten yards straight up the field); DT's plug the holes; LB's this is not the game to play with reckless abandon. Keep mind of the misdirection and delayed runs; DB's, safeties have to play their assignment, don't bite on the playaction.

I just want to see a well-played game by the Tigers. Play with heart, play with pride. Execute. Execute. Execute.

12 Beers, unless I pass out in the third quarter.

7:00-

Michigan at Penn State (ABC regional): In what should be a good game, I won't be watching. Therefore, sips from Beer during commercials of the AU/FL game.

Arizona State at USC (ABC regional): See Michigan Penn State.

Bonus: Sunday at 7:00

Boise State at New Mexico State (ESPN): Don't care.
On a side note, which wife of upper-level management did Ron Franklin screw? This guy is one of the best in the business, and he is usually relegated to crappy games. At least Bob Davie has been replaced by Ed "The Archie" Cunningham. This is a good pairing that I wish ESPN would use on the "Prime Time" games.

Well, there you go. That's what I'll be doing on Saturday. If a filth-laden post goes up here at around 8:00, don't hold it against me. It just means that the LeakBow offense is destroying my beloved Tigers. On the other hand, if a slurred post goes up here at around 9:00, it means that I am a happy, drunk-as-piss AU fan and will soon be passing out.

War Eagle.