Most blogs post Friday commentary on who they think will win games. They use the spreads and (gasp) stats. Well, I absolutely stink at guessing which team will cover as a roaddog or will continue their dominance when playing on a Saturday night with a full moon. I'll say it a different way: I suck at picking teams.
However, there are two things I'm good for on Saturdays: Drinking beer and watching football. So, let's look at my schedule for tomorrow along with how many beers I think I'll drink watching each game.
11:00
Pittsburgh at Michigan State (ESPN)/Central Michigan at Purdue (ESPN2)
ESPN had the Miami/Oklahoma game last week at this slot. Of course, that means that it has used up all of its 11:00 "Marquee Game" alottment for the season. Back to crappy Big Ten matchups. Where the cheese runs like a river and you can't tell the gender of a fan until within five feet. Since the games are completely devoid of any interest, I thought I'd list some notable alumni from each school:
Purdue: Ted Allen, listed as "one of the fab five on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" (their description, not mine) and George Peppard (better known as John "Hannibal" Smith from the A-Team).
Michigan State: Chris Hansen, of "To Catch a Predator" Fame, and actor James Caan
Pittsburgh: Presidential "Hopeful" Ron Paul, and Gust Avrakotos, a CIA agent who, during the 1980's armed, the mujaheddin in Afghanistan (thanks for that).
Central Michigan: Jim Meyers, better known as George "The Animal" Steele of wrestling fame, and Jeff Daniels, who you may remember from his tour de force "Dumb and Dumber.
GO ILLINIHOOSIERSHAWKSWOLVERINESSPARTANSGOPHERSCATS
BUCKEYES CATSBOILERMAKERSBADGERS!!!!!
ESPN loves you and I hate you with all of my soul.
2 Sips of One Beer
11:30
Mississippi State at Auburn (JP)
All right. I had to take the week off from updating this blog because last week AU lost to USF. USF. Cripes, USF. The optimist in me points out that it was an unbelievable feat for the AU defense to take the game into overtime despite five turnovers. The rest of me says HOW THE HELL DO YOU HAVE FIVE TURNOVERS AGAINST USF???? Well, a freshman runningback making his debut doesn't help. Fannin's going to be a stud (as my family is tired of hearing me say), but if he fumbles another time this season he's going to have a hard time showing his face around campus. Then, there is Brandon Cox. Brandon, what has happened? When did you start consistently thowing off of your back foot? What could possibly be the excuse for fumbling on a quarterback sneak? Why have you gained the wonderful habit of staring down receivers from the time you leave the huddle up until the ball is intercepted in triple coverage? You're a sixth-year senior. Act like it.
All right. Enough of the rant. Now, the offensively hapless Bulldogs come to Auburn flush with a great victory over Tulane. Bulldog fans are actually talking smack. The apocolypse is upon us surely. Let me clue you in on something, MSU. You suck offensively. Your quarterback has the armstrength of a three year-old toddler. And I don't care how much it is "All About the Maroon", it ain't gonna happen this week. I want AU to come out and score around 35 on these chumps. If we start with a consistent running game, I think it's possible. If the running game falters (Lord help you if you fumble Fannin), I'll put the score at around 21. But rest assured, MSU, no matter how well or badly AU's offense plays, the MSU score will still be the same: 0
6 Beers
2:30
Notre Dame at Michigan (ABC)
As if Michigan is not having enough problems, "star" quarterback Chris Henne won't be playing. That means that Freshman Ryan Mallett will be starting in his first game. Money quote from the linked article: The freshman from Texarkana, Texas enrolled at Michigan in January and participated in spring practice. "That helps a lot," offensive tackle Jake Long said. "It's kind of like he's a redshirt freshman."
Such strong words of confidence have never been spoken.
0-2 Michigan...0-2 Notre Dame...True freshmen quarterbacks...I think it will look something like this:
I'm putting the over/under for interceptions at 30. And that's because neither defense is very good.
1 Beer
Tennessee at Florida (CBS)
{Sportscaster voice} This SEC Showdown will go a long way to showing who is the Cream of the Crop in the SEC. Powerhouses Tennessee and Florida Face Off in what is sure to be a Game of the Century.{Sportscaster hangs himself in gleeful anticipation}
I really don't think this is going to be much of a game. After being slaughtered by Cali-"We don't play defense in the PAC-10"-fornia, Tennessee played a very close game against Conference USA juggernaught Southern Miss. Southern freakin Miss. USM quarterback Jason Young threw for 254 yards on Tennessee's defense. Jason WHO?
I know, Florida hasn't exactly been going up against stellar competition (although Troy is certainly no pushover). But, in two games, Tim Tebow has thrown for 536 yards, completed 73.8% of his passes and six touchdowns with no interceptions. Oh, and he's just run for 131 yards with three touchdowns. And that's while only playing parts of the first two games. This kid is an animal and I fully expect him to destroy Tennessee's porous defense.
2 Beers
Texas at UCF (ESPN)
This one's a little strange. So far, Texas beat Arkansas State by only eight points (and may have won only due to a blown call). They followed this up with what looks to be an impressive 34-13 win over TCU. Until you notice that Texas was trailing TCU at halftime 10-0. The Knights upset NC State in their first game 25-23. Will they follow it up with an even bigger game? Probably not. But still one to keep an eye on.
2 Beers
5:45
Arkansas at Alabama (ESPN)
I'll admit it. I was scratching my head when I saw the line on this game (bama with 3 1/2 points). Isn't this the same team that was beaten by Arkansas last year? Well, no. And it's not the same Arkansas team, either. Yeah, Arkansas has a Heisman hopeful at running back, but its defense lost a large chunk of its experienced talent to graduation. And don't let the Troy score fool you. Troy was giving Arkansas all it wanted until Troy's quarterback (who accounts for about 99.9% of the offense) was hurt in the second half.
Then you have bama. Going into the season, I thought a major weakness on offense was going to be the running game. Well, against a decent Vandy defense, bama ran for over 220 yards and had 371 yards in total offense. I think Arkansas has the talent to score on bama; but, I don't think they have enough horses to keep up. I see bama scoring 35-45 points. Arkansas can't match that.
3 Beers
7:00
Southern California at Nebraska (ABC)
I don't care how much The ABCDISNEYESPN Overlord wants to hype it, this game is going to be ugly. Nebraska is a decent team. They've beaten a bad Nevada team and a decent Wake Forest team. But, let's be serious. This is USC. This is the same team that intentionally took a delay of game penalty on a PAT kick to honor a dead kicker. Sure, it's a nice gesture. But, they feel so confident (rightfully) of winning games that they don't mind being penalized. How do you compete against that Nebraska? You don't.
One Beer
Boston College at Georgia Tech (ESPN2)
Does anyone really care about a matchup between two middling ACC teams? Me neither.
Sips of Beer
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