Guide to Football and Beer Drinking: Week 2

Great googly-moogly! Football from 10:00 in the morning to 11:00 at night!

10:00

West Virginia at Marshall (ESPN2)

Ugh. Nothing like an early morning game to get the day going. It's no 2004 Boise State v. SJU, but it's still early enough to not properly be called "football".

I feel sorry for Marshall. Once, they were that plucky underdog that powerhouse schools regretted scheduling. Now, the only thing they're known for is a movie. A movie starring this guy. That's just sad.

Last week they got pummeled by a recovering-but-still-bad Miami team. This week, they're going to get slaughtered by a West "We Need Style Points for the BCS" Virginia team. At 10:00 in the morning. Ugh.

One Glass of Milk and Scrambled Eggs (what...do you think I'm in college or something?)

11:00

Miami, FL at Oklahoma (ABC)

Speaking of recovering-but-still-bad, Miami enters this game having been thoroughly embarrased one month ago by this event. The Fighting Ibises (or Ibisi?) follow-up their creampuff opener against Marshall by traveling to Oklahoma. Oklahoma is a team trying to find its identity. It lost its best runningback to the draft only one year after losing its best paid quarterback to the NCAA.

Actually, this is going to be a pretty good game. Certainly not as good as it may have been five years ago, but definitely the best game I've ever seen at the 11:00 ESPN time slot. Ever. Throw in the Cunningham/Franklin duo as commentators, and this is a game I can settle into watching.

3 Beers

Nebraska at Wake Forest (ESPN)

Nebraska thrashed Nevada last week 52-10. But then again, no offense to the Wolfpack, but it was Nevada. Wake Forest should be a much touger opponent. Both teams play like they belong in the SEC. If only they had demure women and classy coaches, they would fit right in. Should be a slobberknocker dominated by defense and strong running games.

1.5 Beers

11:30

Alabama at Vanderbilt (JP)

The time has arrived. The Dubose Franchione Price Shula Saban Era has begun. After its (ahem) monumental victory over Western Carolina, Alabama heads to the golden plains of Vanderbilt to take on the Commodores. Let's go ahead and get this out of the way: Vanderbilt will not upset bama. Not going to happen. At one point, Vanderbilt may have snuck up on bama. After all, this was the "Best Team Vanderbilt Has Had in Years"™. That's kind of like saying Houston Nutt only text messaged someone 35 times in one night. Sure, it's less than normal, but is it really saying much? Too much noise has been made about this game. As I read elsewhere, if everyone is picking an upset, the big dog is going to win. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying Saban-coached teams can't be snuck up on. He is just as prone to lay an egg as Tuberville (see 2000 UAB, 2000 Arkansas, 2001 Ole Miss, 2002 Virginia Tech, 2002 Auburn, 2002 bama, 2004 Troy State and his entire career as an NFL coach). But, if Vanderbilt wins, it will be because it out talents and out coaches bama; not because it surprises bama. Even with bama's pencil-thin depth at defensive line and lack of talent and/or experience at linebacker, I just don't see it happening.

However, that doesn't mean I won't be watching and hoping.

3 Beers

1:30

N.C. State at Boston College (ESPN2)

Welcome to North Carolina State, Coach O'Brien. You spent years building Boston College into a respectable program only to leave and lose your first game. To UCF. You know, UCF? The team that lost last year to Rice, Tulane, Pittsburgh and Houston (among others).

Now, after going through that in your debut, you get to play the team that you spent every waking moment of your life building for the last few years. Boy, they sure looked good last week beating Wake Forest, didn't they, Coach? Did you see that Ryan kid throw for five touchdowns? You recruited him, right? Uh...you didn't sit in his living room, in front of his momma and daddy, and promise you were going to be with him all the way through college if only he would come play for BC, did you? And then leave to an intra-conference rival? Yeaahhh...ummmm...this could get ugly.

1 Beer

2:30

Oregon at Michigan (ABC)

Psst. You want to hear my upset special for the week? Lowly Michigan is going to become this year's Cinderella, Giant Killer by knocking off BCS favorite Oregon. Oregon is looking past this game to Fresno State. They think they can throw their jocks on the field and win this one with no problem. That, my friends, is how upsets happen. Bet the house on this one. Championship teams have to take all games seriously (even the creampuffs). Oregon is about to learn that lesson.

2 Beers

4:45

South Carolina at Georgia (ESPN2)

In this game, Spurrier faces his one weakness: A snarkless opposing coach. Seriously, how can the Ole Ball Coach be expected to make smarky pre- and post- game remarks against Mark Freakin' Richt? Hey, Steve O, Richt has adopted two kids from the Ukraine, is featured on Wheaties boxes and appeared in an evangelical football movie, for cripes sake. How about that, OBC? What...nothing? That's what I thought.

2 Beers

5:00

Notre Dame at Penn State (ESPN)

Two of the most overrated programs in the history of collegiate football playing against each other. One coach is known for accidents. The other spent his last game rotating quarterbacks quicker than you can say "Set It and Forget It!" (That's a rotisserie joke. Because he's fat). Neither are very interesting to me.

Two Sips of One Beer

8:00

USF at Auburn (ESPN2)

At one time, USF was sneaking up on Auburn and had a very, very good chance of pulling off an upset. Two things have changed since then: (1) People noticed how good USF is and began picking them as an upset (see Vandy/bama comment above); and (2) KSU almost beat Auburn last week. Based on these two things, I like Auburn's chances.

But then, I read this from Tuberville:

"You always change your gameplan," Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville said. "There's not a panic. We've won a lot of games with what we are doing. You can't change in midstream with what your quarterback knows and what your offense knows. If you changed, you'd have to go to a whole new offense and you'd be susceptible to disaster. We'll change some formations and some things. Hopefully, we hold our composure a little better and we don't lose our concentration and fundamentals, which we lost last week."

Ugh. You mean the offense that gained 291 total yards last week? Look, I understand and agree with the quote above. Tuberville has two options: (1) stay with the same gameplan and hope for consistent improvement; or (2) put in a new gameplan between games in hopes of bringing an innovative offense to the table. I KNOW Number 1 is the best choice. But, I really wish Tuberville could have just lied and said we were going to sling it all over the field on quick slant routes and screens, followed by go-routes and counter runs up the middle.

I'm looking for a good game with focus and intensity. The latter is not usually a problem; let's hope that the former isn't this week.

8:15

Virginia Tech at LSU (ESPN)

Should go a long way to determining who plays for the national title. I won't be watching.

Sips during commercial breaks.